A little update- Second Trimester!

15 weeks today, 25 weeks to go. I'm still feeling great physically, still haven't been sick at all! It's still unnerving to not know what's going on in there.

I'm so incredibly grateful for a lovely twitter friend that passed along her doppler to me. It has given me solace the last couple days.

My roommate cousin and her son will be moving out next weekend! I'm so relieved to finally have my house back. Something about being pregnant has made me very territorial.

My grandma had a mini stroke yesterday. She's a feisty woman though and it was very minor. She's hoping to be out of the hospital today.

Hubs and I are still in a disagreement over finding out the gender of the baby. I don't want to, he insists we HAVE to know. I don't know what he thinks people did 30+ years ago. How did they ever survive?? I don't think it's a compromise for him to know and attempt to keep it from me. I feel like he'll slip and then I'll be angry with him. I need to find a way to articulate how important this is for me. EVERYONE is already bugging me about what it's going to be... and I keep telling them, "it's going to be a baby, what else matters?" It's making me really dig my heels in about NOT finding out. This is special and I don't want to feel like I have to share it with the world. I don't want my baby's life planned out before s/he's even born and that's always what seems to happen.

I'm "showing" now. It's not all baby but I can't "suck in" anymore without some pretty rad discomfort so I'm rocking maternity clothes daily. I've gotten 20 outfits (shirts and pants) for $40 from people selling their clothes online. I'm pretty please with that!

I tried to start a registry online last night... Got as far as deciding on a crib, panicked and closed the window. I'm not ready and it's overwhelming, I think I need help with that.


I've been following the blogs, popping in on Twitter, checking on everyone as I go. It's been difficult. It's a weird stage I'm in. I have such strong emotions that it's hard not to get sucked into every one's sadness and fears. I'm trying to support where I can and protect myself and Nugget when necessary. I feel like I've probably alienated everyone already.

Anyway... that's my quick and dirty update for anyone who's still listening!

When in doubt.. blog it out

Some strange things happening on the Twitters today and frankly, my feelings got hurt when maybe they shouldn't have.. or maybe they should have... I don't know. But it was fairly implied that my specific view on paid medical leave for caretakers (of children or parents) has now changed because I'm pregnant.

This was hurtful to me for a couple reasons

• The implication that I was discriminating against childless/childfree individuals
• The implication that I would have had less compassion for those caregivers had I not potentially become one of those

Here's the thing. I've watched friends lose their house because they didn't have enough leave to take care of their DYING daughter. A daughter with Batten Disease who was born without issue who quickly deteriorated before their very eyes. This was not and is not ok. 

I have another friend who is childless because she can't afford treatments for her IF because her mother had a stroke when she was 23 (she's now 36) and she's responsible for her care, both monetarily, physically and emotionally. She hasn't had a "vacation" in years because her "vacation" days are used up by mom's appointments and care. 

I would NEVER begrudge those people for getting more leave than me in order for them to take care of their ailing family members. 

Time off for caregiving is not an extra vacation. This is not a benefit for time spent in paradise. It's taxing work, time that would be gladly given up if their family member would just be well, cured, healthy, living.

The one thing I don't feel like 140 characters can cover is the need for better paid medical leave for all: Let's call this bucket A.

Bucket A covers YOU. This covers sick time for the flu, for the hangover, for the broken leg, for the cancer, for the IVF treatments... YOU! And everyone should be entitled to a much larger " bucket A" than we get in the USA now. 

My concern is a circumstantial bucket B: The emergency, someone needs my help and without time off and a continues paycheck that can't happen, bucket. This is paid time off if the situation arises that you have to be a caregiver for someone else... Be it a spouse, S/O, child, parent, etc. This shouldn't be combined with bucket A. I understand the need for limitations to this bucket, same as Bucket A,  but it should be a different bucket. Because if your mom has a stroke in January and you use up your time and then your appendix bursts in November, you shouldn't have to lose your job, or your car, or your house because you need recovery from surgery. 

And if you never "get" to use Bucket B because you don't have children, or your parents never get sick, or whatever.. you don't complain about someone else getting "more time off" You simply remember they aren't on vacation on a beach in Cabo, send them flowers, wish them and their family well and move on with your job. 

Because compassion for others shouldn't be dependent on you needing that exact same compassion. This is the type of argument that  routinely works against those struggling with infertility when it comes to medical coverage through insurance in the US. 

There are too many people saying "why should I help if I don't need that" and the answer is "because you help when you can, that's humanity" 

I had a helluva weekend

First off thank you to everyone who commented and tweeted me during my breakdowns on Friday, your support means the world to me because I know that these feelings are not abnormal! It's hard to find people in your "real" life who understand the complex emotions that go with this struggle and to have that through my online presence is huge.

My mom even admitted that she doesn't ask because she doesn't know what to say. I explained that I need her to listen more than anything. I think she understood. She offered to go with me to my Dr. appt in 16 days since hubs will be working.

Hubs... oh my emotionless, hardened hubs. He knew I was having a hard time. I know he doesn't express emotions well, it's just something he never learned to do. So he tries to make up for that in other ways, like buying me Chipotle for dinner on Friday night. And buying me ducklings on Saturday.

I mean seriously.. how cute are they?

We talked a little more about all the options we may be faced with coming up. He seems more open now that he understands but is still ok with being child-free if that's what happens. I guess that's ok, I mean if he's already open to the possibility, I don't have to worry about letting him down. 

Speaking of all thinks baby-making. Today is CD19 and my temps are all over the place. I haven't ovulated yet but I'm having all the "fertile time" symptoms. We'll continue doing the deed as often as we can in hopes that we catch the egg but frankly, I don't have high hopes for this cycle. 

I'm really interested to meet with my Dr and see what he thinks the cause of my late/non-existent ovulation stems from. I'm kind of torn on this subject as well. Part of me wants to really look into the CAUSE of this and part of me just wants to fix the symptoms (and get pregnant). I know that if we detirmine the root cause, I could most likely get pregnant without ART (provided it's something "fixable" like hormones) BUT the other part of me says "Why the fuck are you wasting your precious time, just artificially make your body do what it's supposed to and put a baby in me now before I cause more havoc"

-h

P.S. I found my nose ring between the bedframe and the wall. That made me happy too :)

Twitterverse has sucked me in

I saw a couple posts about some fellow bloggers tweeting, and it peaked my interest. See I'm one of those jump-on-the-bandwagon-before-the-wheels-are-even-on people when it comes to social media and I have a personal twitter but I hate the people I follow so I don't get on there. Several times I've considered getting on, wiping the slate clean, following new people and enjoying it again. But let's face it, I'm lazy and starting a new one, tied to my new blog, tied to my new obsession, seems to make the most sense. So that's what I did! You can find me over there @willbabymake3

It will be more "me" than this blog I'm not used to long drawn out full blogs, but shorter, quippier, statuses on facebook and now the tweets.

Find me if you'd like!!