Monday, March 24, 2014

I had a helluva weekend

First off thank you to everyone who commented and tweeted me during my breakdowns on Friday, your support means the world to me because I know that these feelings are not abnormal! It's hard to find people in your "real" life who understand the complex emotions that go with this struggle and to have that through my online presence is huge.

My mom even admitted that she doesn't ask because she doesn't know what to say. I explained that I need her to listen more than anything. I think she understood. She offered to go with me to my Dr. appt in 16 days since hubs will be working.

Hubs... oh my emotionless, hardened hubs. He knew I was having a hard time. I know he doesn't express emotions well, it's just something he never learned to do. So he tries to make up for that in other ways, like buying me Chipotle for dinner on Friday night. And buying me ducklings on Saturday.
I mean seriously.. how cute are they?

We talked a little more about all the options we may be faced with coming up. He seems more open now that he understands but is still ok with being child-free if that's what happens. I guess that's ok, I mean if he's already open to the possibility, I don't have to worry about letting him down. 

Speaking of all thinks baby-making. Today is CD19 and my temps are all over the place. I haven't ovulated yet but I'm having all the "fertile time" symptoms. We'll continue doing the deed as often as we can in hopes that we catch the egg but frankly, I don't have high hopes for this cycle. 

I'm really interested to meet with my Dr and see what he thinks the cause of my late/non-existent ovulation stems from. I'm kind of torn on this subject as well. Part of me wants to really look into the CAUSE of this and part of me just wants to fix the symptoms (and get pregnant). I know that if we detirmine the root cause, I could most likely get pregnant without ART (provided it's something "fixable" like hormones) BUT the other part of me says "Why the fuck are you wasting your precious time, just artificially make your body do what it's supposed to and put a baby in me now before I cause more havoc"


P.S. I found my nose ring between the bedframe and the wall. That made me happy too :)


  1. That's sweet of your husband to do nice things in the way he knows how to try and make you feel better. :) Interested to hear what the Dr thinks at your upcoming appointment.

  2. I'm sorry I completely missed your hard time! I can relate to your DH, so it's nice that you understand he's trying, even if it's in a different way than what you would hope. I am a lot like him. I am not great at communicating or telling N how I feel. I am TERRIBLE at making people feel better. Seriously, just awful. Like.. don't cry in front of me. I will tell you an inappropriate joke. He can't stand it, but he puts up with it :) I also buy him things like a lot. It's how I express my love. So while it isn't ideal, he IS showing he cares how he knows.

  3. Mmmm Chipotle... sounds heavenly! And those duckies are adorable! Glad he's at least trying to do something to show he cares, that's important...

  4. Adorable baby animals are definitely good for the soul!

  5. The ducklings are so adorable. I'm happy to hear that your hubby is being caring.