Spray painted chairs and other fun furniture

I guess if I was going to title my blog that, I should have taken pictures. Too bad, I didn't you'll have to use your imagination.

KCIA support group met again last night. There were lots of new people so we needed a bigger space. The church we meet at gave us their youth room and WOW was it cool!! They had fun mismatched furniture including 2 vinyl arm chairs they spray painted in bright green and bright blue. The coffee table was an old door and it had twinkle lights!

I'm pretty sure any infertility meeting should have twinkle lights.

It was a good meeting. It was nice to get to meet some new people. I still feel like a fraud though, I mean, I'm just gearing up to start my treatment and there are women there that have been at this for 10 years!!!! I'm learning a lot though so that's good.

On my way home I started having some pain on my right side then at 3am I woke up doubled over in pain... I was so worried it was a cyst or something but it just turned out to be gas.

I'm not overthinking things or anything lately, I promise.

Boobs still hurt and are HUGE, like falling out of my bras huge. I figured I'd start cramping by now but haven't yet. I just need AF to hurry her ass up so we can start on this baby making meds!!!

-h

My Body Is A Wonderland (and sometimes a horror house)

Welp, yesterday's random high temp was.... Option C!! I was hot. Those who guessed correctly win a prize*

My temp went back down, but still above coverline. (which I still don't trust because it's lower than last cycles). At this point I'm not sure what to think about my fucked up broken body. Not to mention starting last night I noticed I was tender to the touch right inside my right hipbone, which could mean I have something funky going on with meatwad's old house (you can read more about meatwad here and here) Just let me tell you how excited THAT idea makes me. UGH

I'm 6 days out from my appointment with Dr C. I'm still super nervous. I've got this whole list of things I want to ask him or discuss but I'm afraid we won't get to it all, or I'll forget, or something. I'm not nervous with meeting with him though, He's been my GYN since I was 15. He's my mom's, and both my sister's GYN. He delivered my niece AND my youngest brother and sister (the latter I was in the room for!) He's really kind, very soft spoken, has AMAZING bedside manner and knows all my history/family history. But I'm worried that his calm demeanor might mask the seriousness of what's going on.

Even when meatwad was removed, he was really nonchalant about the whole ordeal, which is good because it kept me calm. He has an air of confidence that doesn't even cross over into the realm of cocky. I'm lucky to have him. He's one of the most popular OB/GYN's in town. I'm also worried that if he can't help me, I'll have to change doctors and facilities. That makes me a little crazy, the thought of change and a stranger trying to fix me. What if s/he's an asshole? Or rude? Or like that Dr. from Knocked Up? It gets my heart racing just thinking about it.

So yeah, that's where I'm at. 8dpo, not a lot of symptoms, maybe didn't even ovulate, driving myself nuts... Welcome to my freakshow

-h

*prize to be determined at at later date, prize will not have actual value and my not even be a physical thing. The writer reserves the right to take back the prize if you're a jerk about it.

How well do you know your body?

Seriously, think about it. How much tracking have you done of every single flipping thing in the last 3 months? 6 months? Year?

If I asked you what your "symptoms" were on the 5th day of your cycle could you conjure up some chart, some app, some notebook that would tell you?

Do know you exactly what your O pain feels like? What position your cervix is in right before you start your period?

If asked, could you produce the EXACT dates of your last years of cycles? I know I can. I've been tracking for a long, long time.

I started well before I was TCC. And it started slow, just tracking my periods every month. Then I started tracking when I did the deed (no shit, I can tell you the exact dates I've had sex for the last 6 years, well I could, before my stupid phone crapped out, now I have to cross fingers I got that backed up to my SD card recently)

Then came symptoms. I was irregular so I thought maybe if I can remember exactly what days I started getting gassy, or crampy or my boobs felt like they had swollen up the size of my head, then maybe I could better predict when I'd start. Nothing to do with TTC, more about making sure I packed tampons when I needed them.

Then came the temping, every single morning I roll over and stick a thermometer in my mouth before I do anything else, I record it and usually fall back asleep until I can't waste anymore time without skipping a shower for work (and I've done it, I love my bed)

So now I have all this data and it's done me abso-fucking-lutely NO GOOD.

None of these things has helped me get pregnant. So is it a waste of time? Maybe. But I feel like I can control that. So I'll continue doing it until I just can't take it anymore.

It's awesome to know so much more about myself but it also makes me extremely jealous of people how just get pregnant. My little sister was like 16 weeks along when she found out... SIXTEEN WEEKS.

I start taking tests like 10dpo. How can you not know.. or at least suspect something for 16 weeks?!?!

It blows my mind.

Oh FF says I'm 7dpo, I had a huge temp spike today. Could mean a couple of things. A) I didn't O 7 days ago but O'd yesterday. B) I did O 7 days ago and implanted yesterday and will have one of the coveted triphasic charts C) I was hot last night

-h

It's all about the numbers and super cute bags

Nothing fun from me on April Fool's Day.. I'm super lame like that.
Today is 6dpo according to FF, with SOLID crosshairs might I add. Though my temps are still lower than last cycle so I'm leery. It's also 8 days until my dr appointment, which means my 2WW will/should end then. So, that could be fun. Maybe, probably not.

I have no symptoms. Nothing, nada, zilch. and last time, that meant I hadn't ACTUALLY ovulated, that FF was a big fat liar face. I'm attempting to keep hubs on a reg bd schedule just in case.. we'll see how that goes.

Oh, I'm having a Thirty-One bags catalog party (and by catalog, I mean online... SAVE THE TREES)

So, if you are familiar with their bags and need something, check it out, buy through my party and I'll love you forever (make sure you spend the extra for direct shipping as me hand delivering probably isn't an option)

If you HAVEN'T ever seen Thirty-One bags... click on over and empty your wallets. Seriously, adorable, super helpful shit over here!

LINK TO PARTY

Why do we do it?

Why do we stress, and symptom stalk, and test early (and often)? Why do we push ourselves to know RIGHT NOW? Why can't we just wait until that lovely time of the month doesn't come and pee on a stick to see two beautiful lines and blissfully waltz into pregnancy?

Instead we have to hit the internet every time something feels "off". Watery CM? Better check the internet. Pain in the side of boobs? Better check the internet. If you are anything like me your search history probably looks like:

• 10dpo watery cm BFP
• dizziness sign of early pregnancy
• how early BFP
• CD35 ovulation BFP
• TWW symptoms 11dpo
• blah blah blah blah blah

I mean my best friend didn't even understand what a Two Week Wait WAS!!! She just knew, when I'm late, I test. No freaking out on the message boards, No taking multiple tests before it's due, posting the pictures and begging for someone (anyone) to confirm they see a shadow of a line (that I almost NEVER see) on your HPT taken on 8dpo. You see the lucky ones. Posting their progression pics. Little strips laid out on the counter, perfectly labeled with the day past ovulation (sometimes with the date and time seriously, how to they write so small and neatly?) that second line getting darker and darker each test. I know girls that took one in the WAL-MART bathroom, got their glaring pink line within seconds and tossed it (maybe taking a picture for documentation). Those girls never got "line-eye" They just peed, got a result and moved on. I wish I could be that girl.

I'm not, I couldn't be that patient. It was 9/10dpo (FF is confused depending on the "mode" it's in) so I tested. 

Stark white internet cheapie. Not even a hint of a line. I should have just waited. I keep telling myself I'll wait and I don't. I'm a sucker and I fucking hate it!

If you care to symptom stalk with me here's what I've got: watery (I mean gushing) CM and congestion. That's it, boob pain went away today. Temps are still up so there's some hope I guess. 

11dpo and my symptom stalking isn't going so well

Like the title says, today is 11dpo and my symptom spotting WOULD be in full force...

IF I HAD ANY SYMPTOMS!!!!!!

I'm completely symptomless.. nothing, no cramps, no twinges, no sore boobs, no sensitive nipples, no zits, no stuffy nose, no heightened sense of smell.. NOTHING. 

Nothing that leads me to believe I'm pregnant OR that AF is on her way. Which is weird, because I've been symptom tracking just a little longer than I've been temping and I get some serious pre-period things happening starting about 1 week before my period but this month... NOTHING.

My temp had nosedived yesterday, I mean down to 96.1 but it was back up again today so I'm attributing that to sleeping on the couch instead of in my warm bed with my blankets. 

So we're maybe still in the game but I'm seriously starting to lost what little hope I'd let myself get. 

Implantation dip? Or am I crazy

Ok so since I've been charting my temps, I'm getting obsessed!! I know I ovulated, I know we did it during my "fertile" window and today I had what they call the "implantation dip".
23% of women charting that see this ARE pregnant, 11% that see this aren't pregnant and the other remaining don't ever see a dip preggo or not...

I know that's not reason to get my hopes up but I'll be damned if it doesn't!

I guess my temps tomorrow will help me see if I'm going up or down.

When should I start pissing on sticks? 10dpo, 12dpo or 14dpo?

4DPO and I'm trying to stay sane

I'm trying not to overthink this. I'm trying not to symptom stress. It's way to early, these aren't really symptoms. The exhaustion, the gas, the insatiable hunger, it could be anything.

There is no way that the cycle before I'm scheduled to finally start meds, I actually ovulate and get pregnant. It just didn't work that way. I'm trying to stay level-headed.

It snowed a ton today, I worked from home and then we finally ventured out to pick up dinner, Chinese food..
My fortune cookie didn't do much in the way of helping me keep my hopes in check.