Monday, April 21, 2014

I've had the strangest dreams

The last few weeks have been full of the strangest dreams.

I've been having dreams about the guy I would consider my high school sweetheart. Though he wasn't the guy a dated the longest, he wasn't the guy I gave my virginity to, but he was always mine. I loved him the way only a 16 year old can love. And we broke up on very amicable terms. Neither of us were ready to "settle" down. We continued with a loose friendship and even hooked up a couple times over the years.

I won't lie, when I found out he and his girlfriend were expecting (just a couple months after we had hooked up when both of us were on a "break" from our respective significant others), I was heart broken. After all, that could have been me.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my husband with all my heart and I wouldn't trade him for the world (well maybe for a baby, but... well we all feel like that sometimes). But this guy was my "perfect on paper" guy.

Perfect on Paper.. what does that mean. Well he had everything I thought I wanted in a relationship. He fit all the criteria we put together for ourselves when we start thinking about who we'll spend the rest of our lives with. He checked off every single box, the timing was just off.

Either way, his son now plays on my soccer team so I see him, his girl friend and their son twice a week... and that's probably why I'm dreaming about him. These aren't sex dreams so don't go getting all Fifty Shades of Grey on me.. They are more.... romantical? (That's totally a word BTW, promise). It's rather unnerving though.

And last night I had a baby dream. This one was really strange. I walked in to the hospital and the Dr told me it was a girl. Obviously we had used a surrogate since I was just now showing up... obviously not pregnant. Then when I picked her up, she had this thick dark red hair (Hubs and I have brown hair). I remember showing her to him saying , "I'm sorry she has red hair, JK was the only one" (JK is another friends hubby... apparently he was the donor?) Oh and my baby could talk to me with her mind... so that was fun. I asked her about names, we settled on Norah (I know it's not usually spelled with an "h" but in my dream it totally was) We took her straight home from the hospital right then. I remember sending hubs to the store to get a car seat, why we didn't have one yet, I'll never know. And then we buckled her in the van (seriously brain, what part of you thinks I'll ever buy a van) and drove off. She was big, like 3 months old, and so very beautiful. Then I woke up.

Honestly, I didn't want to get out of bed. I wanted to fall back asleep and hold that beautiful little girl some more. I wanted to listen to her speak to me, I wanted to have her.


  1. Baby dreams are rough. However amazing or terrible they are in the dream, they're hell to wake up from.

  2. I've almost never had a baby dream, but am plagued with pregnancy dreams. Both kinds suck, sorry.

    Is it hard seeing the ex and his fam all the time? I'm so awkward around exes, I wouldn't do well in that situation at all. Although I'm sure you just get used to it after a while.

    1. It's hard but in a weird way. I'm not sure how to explain it. Like it will always give me those "what might have been" feelings but it's not like it makes me regret my hubs in any way

  3. "I loved him the way only a 16 year old can love." What a great phrase! I haven't had many baby dreams lately, but I used to a lot. Not sure if that's a good or bad sign...

    1. It's true, when you're 16 you love a lot differently than when you're 25+!