Wednesday, February 19, 2014

A Startling Realization

I was in the shower last night after my workout (if I can't be pregnant, I'll be fit) when it hit me:

I'll be over 30 when I have a child.

This was it, this was the last cycle I could have had a due date before my 30th birthday. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

I looked back at all the huge plans I had at 18. I'd be married and have 3 kids by the time I was 30. I'd have a career (in what, I didn't know yet), a house, a dog and 3 kids.

I have the house, the husband, 2 dogs and a decent job but I'm severely lacking in the kids department.

I never really considered fertility problems until I was about 23 but no one in my family had any trouble so I really thought I had just been incredibly lucky. I mean, my mom had 3 kids by 25 and two more by 38 (she had 2 different "litters") My grandma.. Wow, twins at 14, 5 total by 22.. Now that's fertile!

And now here I am, knocking on 30's door with no baby in sight. And my dreams of 3 are washing away.

Oh, I made my Dr appointment, no openings in March (FML) so April 9 is when we'll figure out if clomid is where we're going to start.

Oh and FF completely killed my crosshairs, and since it's CD36 and I've got no signs of starting my period, I've had yet another anovulatory cycle... Go me!



  1. I totally get this. I am staring my 36th birthday in the face and it's freaking me out. I used to want 3 kids and now I'll be thrilled with one. Nothing is easy about this journey but blogging is a great way to know you are not alone. You are not alone! Hugs!