I've always been emotional, I got made fun of for it all the time when I was younger so I learned to toughen up but lately, I've been an emotional wreck! And this is BEFORE we start meds.. When we do start I'd like to set up a schedule of callers to check on the health and well being of N because I don't know if he'll make it!
I'm crying constantly, over the silliest stuff. I cried during a coco butter commercial. What in the ever loving fuck is wrong with me? My dog is staring at me like I'm an alien. The worst part? It's not even real crying, it's just like my eyes start watering until they are overflowing down my face. No sobbing, no ugly cry face (trust me, I checked) just a river of tears dripping off my chin.
Friday night, we went to get a present for my best friend's daughter. My husband found me standing in the middle of an aisle, tears on high, all because I saw the cutest onesie. (He bought me battleship and got me drunk to "fix" it) And Sunday, I almost made it through the whole 4th birthday party without crying... But then they lined up all the kids for a picture and between 3 of my friends there were 7 little ones. I was the only non-parent there. I had to leave.
My bf is totally understanding and doesn't take it personal, she knows I love her and her little brood but when I snuggle up with her youngest I'm reminded of the "chemical pregnancy" I had when she found out she was expecting him. We always planned to be pregnant together, raise our kids together but he's her 3rd and final one.. We won't be able to share that and I grieve.
I'm on cycle day 14 and my handy dandy app so very helpfully is saying I'll O sometime between tomorrow and Valentines day.. I swear that window couldn't be any longer! Oh and I started a new job so I'm meeting all new people and the first round of questions always includes "have any kids?" I've held it together so far though so that's a good sign.
P.S. All you working ladies.. Do you manage to take an OPK at work so you hit that 2-230 window or just piss on the stick when you get home? I don't want to miss my surge but I also don't want to be seen carrying a cup into the bathroom and then hanging out in there for 5 mins...